To give you an idea of how small Israel is, our population, according to The Times of Israel, is 9,795,000. 900 people have been confirmed dead as of this writing, and comparatively speaking, it is the equivalent of more than 30,000 deaths in the US – ten times the number of those killed in the 9/11 terror attacks.
It feels like there are no words in existence to adequately convey what Israelis are going through right now. I keep using the same ones, and they are beginning to feel stale. Incomprehensible. Horrifying. Terrifying. Surreal. Heartbreaking. It reminds me of when I worked in a large hospital during the COVID-19 pandemic, and found myself running out of words to describe what we were experiencing and witnessing. It took at least several months to feel that way then – now, it’s taken just three days.
I have to keep reminding myself to breathe, for every story I hear and every photo I see have taken my breath away. Entire families murdered. Small children captured and taken to Gaza. I try not to let my mind wander too deeply into what they are going through there, possibly after witnessing the murders of their parents. It’s unbearable. I cannot find words to describe the monstrous depravity of the terrorists who could do such a thing – or any of the horrific acts that they’ve carried out. Evil in its purest, most horrific form. May the perpetrators and their supporters be brutally erased from this earth.
And because we are such a small country, we are all affected – and not just in some abstract way. Everyone knows someone who has lost a loved one (or loved ones). Everyone knows someone whose loved one(s) was/were kidnapped. Nearly every family has family members who are either serving in the army or have been called up to serve. This is deeply and viscerally personal, for all of us. It’s beyond comprehension. Our burial societies are looking for volunteers, overwhelmed by the prospect of a thousand funerals in a matter of days. There are no words…
One thing I’ve noticed over the past few days is that I’m having a hard time finding appropriate words to start and end my conversations and texts. Nothing seems right – I’m running out of words for everything, it seems. But… It’s a little past 12:30am, and I know I should try to go to sleep because I’m exhausted and have to work tomorrow (from home). Even so, I find myself reluctant to take steps that bring me closer to the morning, enabling me to stave off whatever fresh hell will try to swallow us up tomorrow. I can feel my eyelids getting heavier, though, and I’ve grown so used to the constant low roar of military jets that, instead of serving as a distraction, will most likely lull me to sleep.
Thanks to everyone who is writing to me, texting, commenting, and sharing. I’m so grateful for your words of love and support. May we all know better days.
