When I heard that the wife of one of my brother’s oldest friends had lost a child, I sent a carefully worded email to her husband, asking if Stacey might want to talk to someone who had been through something similar. She did, and the connection was made.
That was approximately eleven years ago, and over the years, Stacey and I kept up our correspondence at varying degrees of frequency, never losing the special connection we’d created out of a mutual, almost desperate need for support from someone who understood. As we managed to have other children and move on to other subjects, that shared, profoundly visceral understanding of devastating loss has always been at the heart of our friendship.
Stacey and I have exchanged hundreds of emails, yet no opportunity had ever presented itself for us to meet in person – until recently. My brother and his family were celebrating the Bat-Mitzvah of their eldest daughter, which – conveniently for us – fell during my son’s Passover vacation. I was looking forward to seeing family and friends, but from the moment I decided that we’d make this trip, much of the joy I felt was in knowing that I would finally have the chance to meet Stacey, whose painful journey had been such an integral part of my own healing process. (more…)
Tags: children, friendship, Loss, meeting for the first time, virtual
Category Childhood Memories, Daily life, Family, Friendships, Loss, Pregnancy, Self-Reflection |
Several weeks prior to Passover, my editor at Haaretz contacted me with a story assignment – profiling several Israeli women’s organizations in order to mark International Women’s Day. We compiled a list of possible choices and selected three very different groups for the article – Or Chaya – The World Center for the Jewish Woman (based in Jerusalem), Economic Empowerment for Women (based in Haifa) and comme il faut (based in Tel Aviv), a company with a very strong feminist agenda that runs a fashion house as well as other women-related concerns.
I loved having the opportunity to become acquainted with these organizations, both by perusing their websites and speaking with representatives of each group. I was also amused to discover that Sisters, the trendy little sex toy shop that a few friends and I had popped into on a whim last summer in Tel Aviv, was renting space in Bayit Ba’namal, a building owned by comme il faut… 
The article can be found here, or by clicking on the image below.
Tags: comme il faut, Economic Empowerment for Women, empowerment, feminism, Haaretz, International Women's Day, Israel, Or Chaya, sex toys, Sisters, women
Category Freelancing, Shameless Self-Promotion, Uncategorized, Work, Writing |
I want to get lost with you
At that moment when the sun goes down
Colors dance without a sound
Across the sky and I am found
By love and wishes made
On stars that shine as sunlight fades
Fingers touching as we go
Through moonlit shadows’ gentle glow
I want to get lost under desert skies
Lose myself when I look in your eyes
Rest my head against your heart
Hold you close and never part
So take my hand and lead me home
Along a path of desert stones
And sands that shift in desert winds
I feel your breath against my skin
Please hold me in your arms tonight
And keep me warm this desert night
I’ll wrap myself around you too
While dreaming that I’m lost with you
(more…)
Tags: desert, love, poetry
Category poetry |
More than 25 years ago, I spent my gap year in Israel on Young Judaea‘s Year Course program. One month of that year was spent living with a family in an agricultural community (a moshav), and while I can’t remember the names of anyone from the family I stayed with, I do remember the family below, which hosted a friend of mine (and was actually much nicer to me than my own host family). Arlene is also a former Young Judaean.
What follows is the text from an email that Arlene sent to a local mailing list that I moderate, and she quickly agreed to allow me to share it here. Please do what you can to help, and please share this note with your networks.
Note that (as mentioned below) Israeli hospitals conduct worldwide registry searches for suitable donors, so being registered in almost any country can potentially help someone in need, no matter where in the world they happen to be.
*******
Our son, Guy Bar-Yosef, was diagnosed with an acute form of leukemia this past April. He has undergone aggressive chemotherapy, and now the doctors are saying that there is hope for recovery only if he receives a bone marrow (=stem cell) transplant from a matching donor.
We are turning to everyone and anyone who may be able to help. Healthy donors are accepted into international registries between the ages of 18-45. Blood type does not matter. Because of Guy’s genetic lineage, we are specifically looking for donors with mixed genetic backgrounds – Ami’s parents were of Moroccan and Lithuanian origin, and Arlene’s parents hailed from Latvia (Baronovich, Russia, and nearby).
In Israel, the organization which does tissue typing and matching is “Ezer Mizion”, and in the USA, it’s “Be The Match” or “Gift of Life”. People in the USA can ask for a kit to do the test at home and mail it in. All other developed countries have similar setups, and Israeli hospitals conduct worldwide searches.
The initial test is merely a saliva swab taken from inside the cheek. It is painless and quick. If the person is found to be a tissue match, he/she will be asked to donate blood on a given day, at the hospital in Tel Aviv. If the person is from abroad, the flight to Israel and all expenses will be paid. It is similar to donating blood at Magen David Adom – no surgical procedure is involved.
Many of Guy’s friends, colleagues and family members are coming forward to be tested, but they can’t all afford to pay for the tests themselves. So another way to assist is by a monetary donation, in any amount to “Ezer Mizion” in Israel. It costs 250 NIS ($65) to process each test, and as they don’t have the necessary budget, they seek donations to cover the costs.
Ezer Mizion: 40 Kaplan St., Petach Tikva, Israel. Tel: 03-9277772, via check, telephone, or online, (there’s a place to name the person in whose honor the donation is being made).
The website is: https://www.ezermizion.org/Donate (Donations are tax deductible and receipts will be issued).
Anyone making a monetary donation as well as those who go to Ezer Mizion to be tested should mention Guy Bar-Yosef’s name.
Time is of the essence. Anyone who has Facebook or other social network media, or who work or study in places where they can notify friends, colleagues, etc., is kindly asked to help spread the word. We sincerely appreciate every and all effort made on Guy’s behalf.
Thanks so very much.
Arlene and Ami Bar-Yosef
*****
If people in South Africa are interested in finding out more about that country’s bone marrow registry (which would also be scanned for possible donors for Guy), please contact the South African Bone Marrow Registry:
South African Bone Marrow Registry (SABMR)
Match codes: South Africa [ZA]
Groote Schuur HospitalE52,
Old Main Building
7705 Mowbray
South Africa
TEL: +27-21-404-6445
FAX: +27-21-404-6395
Email: ernette.dutoit@sabmr.co.za
Website: http://www.sabmr.co.za/
Tags: Be The Match, blood test, bone marrow, bone marrow donation, bone marrow donor, ezer mizion, Gift of Live, Israel, leukemia, South African Bone Marrow Registry
Category Changing the world, Childhood Memories, Daily life, Health, Uncategorized |
Since this current round of fighting began, I’ve been overwhelmed by the concern shown in emails, messages and chats – friends, relatives and acquaintances checking in to see how we’re doing, voicing their love and support (both for us personally and for Israel as a whole) and reminding us to “stay safe”. And yet, no matter how many times I tell friends and loved ones abroad that we don’t live within missile range, it continues to sound like one of the most surreal statements I’ve ever written. Even after living here for more than twenty years, it’s still jarring to have to talk about one’s life in such terms, especially when our usual state of normal isn’t much different from the way my peers are living abroad.
There’s something very unnerving about day-to-day life under these conditions. On the one hand, a large portion of the southern part of the country is essentially under siege, being hit with barrage after barrage of missiles. Friends in the central part of the country have gotten a small – some would say very small – taste of what that’s like too, as Hamas tries to flex its muscles and show off its capabilities by periodically firing rockets in the direction of the greater Tel Aviv area and even towards Jerusalem. Yet here in the relative north, aside from noting the absence of colleagues and friends who’ve been called up for duty and a difference in the traffic on the roads, life continues as usual. It’s been so “normal”, in fact, that I haven’t felt the need to actually explain to my eight-year-old son what’s going on, instead preferring to follow his lead and address his questions as they arise.
(more…)
Tags: children, Family, Hamas, Israel, missiles, Palestine, Pillar of Defense, War
Category Conflict, Current Events, Daily life, Family, Israeliness, Politics, Regional, Self-Reflection, War |
I had the television news on this afternoon, but only for a little while. With my face buried in my computer screen and my ears picking up bits and pieces of the ongoing live reporting as I typed, every time I heard a siren, I jumped a little, momentarily startled and wondering for just a sliver of a second if it was coming from outside instead of the news report. We live far away from the rockets and missiles being fired at the south and now the center of the country, but in Israel, “far” is merely a relative term. Tel Aviv is just under an hour away by car, and Kiryat Malachi, the town where three people were killed by rocket fire on Thursday (and also the town where my husband is from and one of his brothers still lives), is just over an hour away if we take the Trans-Israel highway (known locally as Road 6), the country’s only toll road.
Rocket aftermath. Ashdod. Photo courtesy of Stephanie Freid.
It’s sadly amazing to me how we always manage to seamlessly slip back into the jargon of war. My Facebook feed is filling up with words like rockets/missiles, sirens and booms, and people in “safer” parts of the country are letting friends and family know that they’ve got room for guests if anyone feels the need to get away. The “situation”, as times like these are always referred to, is discussed over cocktails and hors d’oeuvres at a bat-mitzvah in a resigned, almost casual manner, simply because over the years, we have grown so used to periodically doing so.
(more…)
Tags: army, Facebook, Gaza, Hamas, Israel, Kiryat Malachi, Palestine, Tel Aviv, War
Category Conflict, Current Events, Daily life, Israeliness, Politics, Regional, War |
LR
You tell me that I’m strong; the bravest person that you know
And I know it’s just my journey
That makes you think it’s so
Dragged along a path I wish I didn’t have to see
It’s not the one I chose – the path selected me
You tell me I’m courageous; that my courage gives you hope
And I know it’s just my journey
That makes you think it’s so
When every day’s a struggle and it’s never really gone
Yet giving up is just as hard as going on
You tell me I inspire; a role model for all
And I know it’s just my journey
That makes you think it’s so
Facing my adversity is all I try to do
Doing what I have to, just to get me through
I don’t want to be the bravest or the strongest that you know
I’m not trying to inspire
My courage comes and goes
You speak your words with love and I know they’re meant to heal
But these attributes you see in me I simply cannot feel
(more…)
Tags: adversity, bravery, courage, illness, Loss, poetry, strength, tragedy
Category Daily life, Loss, poetry, Self-Reflection |
…the title of my latest story for Haaretz. Moving to a new country is never easy, even when it’s something you really want to do. When the decision involves uprooting your kids, making that move can prove to be even more challenging. Pals Zahava Bogner and Jamie Traeger-Muney were kind enough to share their aliyah stories with me for this piece, and Jamie, a psychologist by profession and one of the founders of Olim4olim, provided me with lots of great professional advice.
The article can be found here.
Tags: Aliyah, children, Israel, Jamie Traeger-Muney, olim4olim, teenagers, Zahava Bogner
Category Freelancing, Israeliness, Shameless Self-Promotion, Work, Writing |
Getting tangled in the words
Of a song from long ago
Old forgotten moments
And stories left untold
As children we allowed ourselves
The innocence of youth
When everything was easy
With no complicated shades of truth
I remember lazy summer days
And all the crazy games we played
Imagination and adventure were our guides
Grass that scratched between our toes
While splashing through the garden hose
And counting cloud formations in the sky
Life was full of simple joys
Our world seemed so complete
Snowball fights in winter
Autumn leaves beneath our feet
We didn’t want for anything
It all seemed like a dream
Climbing trees with secret forts
And skipping stones across the stream
I remember lazy summer days
And all those nights we stayed out late
Catching fireflies in little jars
Giggling as we set them free
Got so dark we couldn’t see
Holding hands while watching shooting stars
A memory’s never flawless
And your mind plays little tricks
Changing hazy details
Of the things you couldn’t fix
No childhood is perfect
Though some days were pretty close
And those lazy days of summer
Are the ones I miss the most
(more…)
Tags: childhood, friendship, fun, poetry, summer, winter
Category Childhood Memories, Friendships, poetry |
When I think about tomorrow
And what the fates may hold
I wonder where your place will be
What mischief will unfold
I think about the fun we’ve shared
And all that lies ahead
Private jokes and silly notes
Forever in my head
I think of how you gained my trust
It’s not an easy task
I let you slip inside my heart
And hug me when I crack
I can’t believe the luck I’ve had
And hope it lasts a while
For every time I think of you
My soul begins to smile
(more…)
Tags: friends, friendship, fun, hugs, love, poetry
Category Daily life, Friendships, poetry |
