“Liking” Your 25th High School Reunion

This past weekend was my 25^th high school reunion. While I couldn’t attend (given that it was 7,000 miles away in beautiful Upstate New York), I was able to watch it unfold on Facebook through real-time photo uploads and status updates from each event. I could see who still looked fabulous and who had aged well; I could see the effect that 25 years of living had had on the hairlines of some of the men – not to mention those who no longer had hairlines at all…

Over the past year or two, former classmates had begun to reconnect with one another in earnest – indeed, so many of the Facebook comment threads on former classmates’ walls – as well as on my own wall – were inundated with comments written by other classmates, with a level of camaraderie and humor that I found comforting. We had managed to shed our “Breakfast Club” era labels, and people I’d barely known in high school were among my closest virtual companions. Old barriers were stripped away as we laughed together in times of joy and cried together in times of tragedy and sorrow, providing a network of support that was rooted in our shared past experiences and unhindered by peer pressures, social cliques and teenage angst.

Reunion photo courtesy of fellow classmate Theresa Templer Benaquista

Reunion planning kicked everything into high gear. We were whipped into a frenzy of old photo uploads and inside jokes, and I found myself waking up every day to find tens of new posts and comments on our class Facebook page. As the dates drew closer, the page seemingly took on a life of its own. We chatted and reminisced, cheering on those who’d already registered and chastising those who hadn’t. Some had conflicting schedules, while others were too far away and couldn’t make the trip. Reminders to register and pay were interspersed with good-natured ribbing and queries about long-lost classmates who no one had managed to track down. There were also pleas from those of us who couldn’t attend, asking people to try to keep the Facebook page updated during the course of the reunion.

And it was great! Or rather, it was bittersweet. It was wonderful to be kept in the loop, to observe the virtual exchanges morph (back) into real-life connections; it was heartwarming to see the obvious joy at coming together; and it was, of course, rather amusing to follow the antics as some people became sillier and sillier (especially during the pub event…). But… It was hard. It was frustrating to be so involved in the build-up and all the online exchanges that took place throughout the weekend, yet not be able to attend in person. And thanks to Facebook, we knew exactly what we were missing out on. Or perhaps not exactly, given Facebook guidelines regarding acceptable posts and uploads (I’m still wondering if Facebook will get around to removing one reunion photo where a butt crack was allegedly spotted in the background – and then enlarged as proof…), but you get the idea.

I compared notes with another old friend who couldn’t make it either, a friend whose twin brother lived much closer and had been able to make the trip up to our hometown for the festivities. Neither of us could manage to pull ourselves away from our computers and it was making us both cranky. I was annoyed that the time difference had kept me from Skyping in at the dinner Saturday night like a former classmate living in India had done; my friend refused the opportunity to talk to people at the picnic on Sunday when her brother phoned, afraid it would be too upsetting. We made a pact on the spot that whatever it took, we would both make it to the 30^th reunion in five years’ time.

Grumpiness aside, it’s been fascinating to observe “high school reunion 2.0”, and even though I wasn’t able to take part in the main event (this time – I managed to attend both the 10^th and the 20^th despite already living in Israel, so I imagine I’ll be at the 30^th as well), I’ve enjoyed the experience tremendously. In the days leading up to and since the reunion, my Facebook news feed has been full of notifications about classmates reconnecting with and friending one another; I’ve done my fair share of reconnecting as well, joining in the online fray and friending old friends and acquaintances.

When I told my friend that I was thinking about writing this piece, we talked about articles that questioned the “necessity” of reunions now that we have Facebook, and whether Facebook and other online social networks might actually replace reunions. It would never have occurred to me that virtual reunions might replace real ones, and after virtually taking part in a real one this past weekend, I have to say that I just don’t see it happening. One complements the other, and together, they help the individual and collective relationships to flourish. 25 years later, members of the class of 1986 are living their lives in far-flung corners of the world. We are living all over the US, in the Caribbean, in Europe, in Japan, in Israel, in India and elsewhere. And yet, despite the distances, the time differences and the quarter-century that has somehow passed since we were a complete, physically cohesive unit of raging teenage hormones, many of us are perhaps closer than ever before, much of that due to Facebook (and the occasional reunion that brings us together physically and takes us back in time). And that’s pretty incredible, isn’t it?

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